I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
