What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
