Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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