I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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