is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
