It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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