Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
