What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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