the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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