The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
