I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
