Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
