Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
