she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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