Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
