I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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