I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
