Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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