youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
