If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
