he told me I talked like a deaf person
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
