Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
