Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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