well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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