I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
