I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have already put on my inside pants.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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