I'm drive I can fine osifer
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
