i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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