And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She bit a glass in half.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
