i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
