Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize