smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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