A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
