I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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