Already got asked if we're dating
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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