could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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