Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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