I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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