I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize