You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
