I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
