She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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