The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
