I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
