We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
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Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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