i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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