i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
