My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
