Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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