please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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