I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
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I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
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I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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