I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
