hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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