You can't motorboat a personality
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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