Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
