can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
