Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
