she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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