I was born with a shot glass in my hand
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize