im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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