So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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