whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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