oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
